Hello everyone!!
Last time I told you something terrible that happened to my Mom..now I'm going to tell you about something terrible my mom did to me. Before I get started, I want to let you know that I have three younger sisters and one younger brother. I have a million stories about them as well. I will introduce you to one of them in my next blog. Here we go:
Way back in the stoned ages when I was a young teenager, we had a Kroger's down the street from us. Mom liked to go shopping late at night when it wasn't crowded. We're talking 11:00 to Midnight. Have you ever been in Kroger's at that time of night back in the 70's? Talk about your Zombie Apocalypse! Just about everyone in there at that time was there just to grab a cart full of munchies. It was like walking into the set of Night of the Living Dead. Me, being the oldest of the bunch, was the designated co-shopper. I went with Mom every week to weave our way around the aisles and zombies.
Anyway, we went through the store loading the cart with the weeks groceries, five kids and two adults consume a lot of groceries so we had a big cart full of food. We finally get all our supplies loaded in the cart and make our way to the check-out line. We are standing there patiently waiting our turn to be checked out. There are several people ahead and behind us. At that time of night they only had one cashier working. So, we're standing there and all of a sudden Mom says "Here you pay for it, I will go get the car." and she throws her billfold at me (this was before the days of the debit card) and leaves the store. There are about three people in front of me about about that many behind me.
I'm standing there thinking that Mom had lost her mind, why didn't she wait till we were checking out to go get the car, besides we had parked really close to the front doors. So I'm wondering about Mom's sanity when a slow moving green fog starts to form around me. I freeze up and start to turn red. OH GOD! She had farted and left me to take the blame! The people around me started to choke and gag, I think that one fart took out at least three zombies! The person behind me dropped their hand held basket and ran out the door shouting something abut the tribulation had begun!! I was dumb struck, I had lost the power of speech. The brave ones who stayed were giving me the evil eye and muttering prayers. I started to put our groceries on the conveyor belt like nothing was wrong. The cashier went into overdrive ringing our things up. This was also before the scanners we have now, everything had to be punched in on the register. I don't know if he got all the prices right or not because his eyes were watering like nothing I had ever seen before. He gave me the total and I gave him money. He threw my change at me and just pointed at the door.
My face was so red I'm surprised it didn't burst into flames! When I got to the car, mom looked at me all innocent and said, "Did everything go ok?" I was way too young to tell her what was really on my mind.
This is one that she still laughs about today. Me? I think I developed PTSD from this. I, to this day, cannot walk into a Kroger's without a feeling of dread coming over me.
Hope you enjoyed it.
